Mommy Guilt

This is a picture that DH took of DS#3 and I this evening. The lighting is so bad in my house, but I love this picture anyway. I can't sit near my little cutie without kissing him or hugging him or even tickling him. The whole family was watching "Wipeout" on TV and DS#3 picks my lap to sit in. In fact, he often decides he wants to sit near me as opposed to DH. Whenever he doesn't see me or know where I am at home, he often says, "Mama Work Day" roughly translated to "Mama is at work today." Talk about "Mommy Guilt"!

I've had 'Mommy Guilt" for as long as I've been a mother. When DS#1 wouldn't nurse, I felt enough 'Mommy Guilt" that I expressed milk for six months without being able to nurse him. I nursed the other three just because I felt like at least I could give them a little part of me every day even if I wasn't there. When I was there, I could feel that closeness. When DS#1 was a little older and I had to go to work and he wouldn't say "goodbye" to me, I felt that 'Mommy Guilt" again. In fact, the kids have always known how to make me feel 'Mommy Guilt" without even trying. When we go out to eat at a restaurant, they all want to sit by me. To me that translates into the fact that they don't see me as much as their father. When DD asked me to volunteer at her school, I tried to do it as much as my schedule would allow. I couldn't do it much, but I felt pretty good about how excited she was whenever I did volunteer.

Of course, when I come home from work and they all give me hugs, that makes me feel much better. DS#3 is the one that most reliably does this as sometimes the other kids are with friends or in the middle of a video game. I guess that's one reason why I can't help but hug/kiss/tickle him. I miss him so much when I'm gone!